Primavera

The Awakening of the elements is upon us. What a beautiful time to be alive.

I have been spending much of my time in the woods, growing with the swampy weeds. There is a herd of deer there with whom I have been growing acquainted. Deer are to the forest like what the dolphins are to the sea. They are so incredibly pure.

A few days ago I sat cross-legged with my guitar on a patch of dry meadow grass and hummed softly to myself. I looked up at the sound of snapping sticks and saw a lovely young doe reaching her nose toward me only a few paces away. I locked eyes with her and still she did not move. She reached forth smelling the air, seeming to try so earnestly to understand me. She circled around me, keeping her radius of distance without looking away. I nodded my head to her and sang softly in an attempt to communicate my respect. She simply watched and stood several minutes, unblinking.

I feel I belong to the forest this Spring. Each morning I awaken with an immediate yearning to go to the nurturing wellspring of life and energy that lies beneath the bare-branched canopy.

I walk in the river bed, planting my feet in the cold rushing water with such relish. I send it all of my thankfulness through my toes. It calls me "Daughter" by name. I soak in the sun and the dirt. I feel such a deep sifting, a powerful mixing and churning beneath the soil of my soul. The forest is one with a deep transformation that is taking effect in my life. It nurtures the transformation. It catalyzes it. It begs the question and gives the answer. It is milk poured over my mind.

I have repeatedly been seeing snakes during my wanderings. Twice now a snake has crossed my path, practically close enough to crawl over my toes. Each night before I fall asleep, the last images I recall holding in my mind are of the snake or of the deer. There is a message in this for me. I hope to understand it soon.

This evening some strange desperate surfacing of emotion propelled me to run straight into the murky depths of the forest. Twilight was descending fast in azure blue against the black silhouette of branches. It was my first encounter with the woods of the Night this year. And Oh, what a truly different place is the forest at night!

Once within the sweet nectar cover of the trees, I felt myself harder, beating each foot-fall with such poignant emphasis. The herd of deer felt me coming and bolted off. I ran after them, enthralled with the speed and the wind, watching their white tails disappear into the falling dark, wishing I knew their secret innocent language.

I slowed my pace and stepped lightly, silently. The forest was humming. It spoke in deep hues, resonant vibrations, coursing voices. A rush of energy brushed right through me, drawing me and pulling me down the path. I sang a song to it in my mind and pressed forward.

The path grew darker, narrower. The trees grew taller. The sky, deep royal saffron. Suddenly, all around me a chorus of footsteps rose. Sensations breathed up my spine, curving all around my body. I sucked in a deep, slow gust of breath, feeling my eyes roll back in the incredible sense. I fell to my knees and looked up. The branches coiled and spoke. So elegant was their prose-- the curve of their tender, delicate buds all a-flame with news.

I shut my eyes and slowly laid back, resting my head in the soft, moist black dirt. The footsteps continued their slow careful dance. In my mind I saw little faces spying at me from behind dead leaves on the ground.

I sent my thoughts into the sky. A beam of light opened from it and descended around my body, engulfing me in a buzzing douse of consciousness. I felt lighter.

In my mind I saw a woman in white walking towards me. It felt so solid and close. I gasped and sat up to see if it were visible in the physical world, but there was only the buzz of faint energy. I closed the valve of my mind to the physical world and looked into the light-layer of the world. Great old spirits swept over and past me in the wind currents. The woods sang with a deep earthy groan.

I stood slowly. I could still hear the footsteps, so many!-- They sounded in the physical world, but there was so movement to be seen. The presence around me buzzed and hummed with teeming life.

I walked. Back down the path I went, making my way out of the woods. I felt as if a train of others walked before and behind me, carrying my energy around me like a swooping veil. In my mind I held a torch.

On my right side, just off the path was a faint teasing energy, a flirtation among the trees daring me to step inside. I glimpsed the space off the path and in my mind immediately saw a gorgeous ballroom of light full of dancing faces masked in trailing leaves.

I stopped. Oh! How I want to go home to you. Do you recognize me? Do I belong to you? Am I one with you? May I come in? .... Ah, please.. I shall wait until I am safe away in my dreams to join your masked revelries in the forest, your reigning in of the spring-time with endless celebration. I shall be there soon with you.

I snapped out of the vision, blinking and peering back into the space I had seen the ballroom. It had been an ordinary clearing in the trees all along, and yet, the faintest buzzing magnetic field of energy seemed unquestioningly to hover. Yes. I am walking the line between the veil...

"Daughter." Said the River one last time as I crossed it, now a shimmering whisper of black.

Even now as I write I am a still love-sick for it. I want to return.

I want to stand in the River in the morning and pray to rejoin the ocean.